Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How I achieved Time Travel
at far less than the speed of light
a less than scientific theory
I am always hearing that I am as old as I feel. Accepting that as true, I have achieved time travel...in both directions. Just the other morning, after a quiet day and a good night's sleep, I awoke(feeling) age 40. Just 24 hours later, after loading and unloading a kayak, rolling in Lake Michigan and paddling for 2 additional hours, I awoke (feeling) age 85 (with, I must add, memories of just having been 20 the day before....but I digress). Since neither are my true chronicalogical ages, and since I am as old as I feel or felt, I achieved time travel of over 40 years and did it in less than 24 hours.
Silbs' theory of relativity
Remember when you were a kid? How old did your parents seem to be to you at that time? Probably older than they really were and probably younger than you are now. Are yous tarting to get this (work with me, I don't know calculus, and this is the only way I can get this down. But I digress).

Having been in the keep-the-paying-customers-alive business most of my life, I have always marveled at the way different patients aged. After years of study I was able to come to some conclusions, some mine, some from scientific papers. Here's what I've learned.

1, Choose your parents carefully. If they both died young of, say, heart disease, you will too unless you radically change your life style and body chemistry.

2, Get out of bed. Back aches are one of the most commong causes of lost work time. Interestingly, those who get up and work with the pain generally get better quicker and get back to a fuller way of life.

3, Serve. Those who have a purpose in their life, a cause greater than themselves, do better. Even if they don't, they feel like they have lived longer because they have experienced so much more joy than the slackers.

4, Don't stay in a job you hate. This will suck the marrow out of you and destroy your soul. I do workshops and lectures on this and know of what I speak. Most men live quiet lives of desperations.

5, Get over yourself. The Universe neither cares about nor intervenes in your feelings. No one makes you mad. Others do stuff, then you choose to be mad. Proof: they do the same stuff to me, and I choose not to give a damn.

6, Spend some time alone with yourself.

7, Don't spend your life alone. A mate, partner and even a pet will add to your longevity.

8, Move to a more primitive society where old people are venerated. Remember the yogurt commercials that suggested that their product yielded longer lives? Bull crap. Studies show that longevity is most common in societies in which physical exertion is part of daily life and old folks are kept in the household where multigenerational famalies learn from one another and everyone looks forward to being older. Here, we warehouse our elderlly and take away their money and independence and self respect and reasons to live.

9, Eat less. In many many lab experiences the lives of the experimental animals was always increased when their calories were cut to near staving levels. Eat to live.....you know the rest.

10, Prepare for and and enjoy eldership. It is our time as king or queen. If we have prepared well, it is a time to mentor and to serve. It is, at least for me, the best time of life.

The end, for which the beginning was made.

Come grow old with me,

The best is yet to come.

Paddle safe...or none of this will matter.


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