Friday, November 24, 2006

Mall Rx
(Newer Bigger Better)

Okay, thanksgiving is over, passe, done, so yesterday. Enough of the warm family fuzzies and bountiful tables full of cholesterol. Enough of hugs and family (more on that in another blog...but I digress).

Hopefully, guests have gone to the airp0rt and the last crumb of evidence has been vacuumed from the carpet. People, we have a legacy to live up to. We have an obligation to support this country and its economy. Have you forgotten? This is the busiest shopping day of the year. Are you prepared to do your part?

Screw up or come up short today and those retail stocks in your retirement portfolio just might tank along with your future security. Besides, you know you want to go and buy stuff. Buy what? Buy anything, for anyone...but be sure to buy stuff for yourself (hell, it's on sale). That, after all is what mall therapy is all about.

There was a time, and I can remember it well, when shop was used as a noun. It was synonomous with a store. When someone needed (as opposed to wanted) something specific, they went and bought it (if they had the cash). Now, when people are bored and are in need of nothing, they go and shop. They actually go from store to store fondling merchandise and allowing themselves to be more wowed by the latest jewelery or chlothing than they ever were by the joy of being of service. They see the latest glittere and know instantly that they must have it, even though they have zero need for it. In fact, they don't even have the cash...they have plastic.

But we are simple folk who only need a boat and a paddle and the bare necessities in order to live a happy life. We, as paddlers, are above the superficial wants and materialistic behavoir of the great washed (face it, more often than not, it is we who are the unwashed. At least it often smells that way...but I digress again). We will go for days eating tree bark, paddling and sleeping in one set of reeking clothes and catching rain water with our ponchos. We are Yule Gibbons and Smoky the Bear all rolled into one............until we go to the candy store (read: paddle shop).

There, placed by the devil herself (no sexism here) we find the neatest, newest, bestest paddle top, and we just have to have it (to hang next to the other 3 we hardly use). The hell with the kids' tuition or the root canal our partner needs, this is the latest gear, we are paddlers and we will be prepared and well equiped. Charge!

There is a momentary high that follows the acquisition (purchase) of just about anything. Problem is, it is a short lived high. Sadly, it is like a drug and must be done again and in larger doses until we hit bottom or max out our plastic card. It is the American condition, and it has been studied and well documented.

I'll stop there since it isn't Sunday and I've just given a sermon. I,ll just close with save your pennies and

Paddle safe...


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