Wednesday, December 06, 2006

They're sorry.
(imagine a picture here)

"Sorry doesn't cut it." Ever hear that statement before? Of course you have. And "sorry" sometimes doesn't cut it. I back up my car and park on your chest. "Sorry" just doesn't cut it.

You are doing a paddle self-rescue when your paddling buddy rams his boat into you and breaks your paddle, your boat and your ribs. "Sorry" won't make everything okay. Sometimes, something more is required. Sometimes, "sorry" needs to be accompanied by amends (called a make up in men's work...but I digress).

Now, making such amends can, if done improperly, make the original sin worse. For example, "I am sorry I parked on your chest. Here, take this $20 bill." Not a good plan. Or, as you drive your buddy home from the emergency room, "Sorry about the ribs and paddle, Dude. Next time we have beers, they're on me."

The offer of amends is not to undo the wrong, that's not possible. It is, rather, a way to "make up" for what you've done and to, with a small act of kindness, get back with the other person. So, maybe, "I am sorry, and I would like to come over and bring you super tonight" (since it is hard to cook in a body cast...this is unspoken...but I digress). Sure, the other person can sue you for a million bucks, but you were friends before, you didn't intentionally act like a stupid ass and you want to remain friends. So you offer this small act of kindness. What does the injured party do?

They accept it, and let go of any anger over the whole affair. Why? Because of the reasons given above for offering the act in the first place. To say, "No, Screw you. I am ticked at you," is to prevent your friendship from healing and, in a very real way, to punish the person for hurting you. If that, in fact, is the way you feel about it, you need to say so up front. Something like, "I am angry about you parking on my chest/ramming my boat. It feels like you aren't a safe person with whom to be, and that scares me. I can't trust you any more." Then, tell the other what you want.

Maybe you want him/her out of your life. Perhaps you want them to take those lessons they never took. What ever. The point is that you are being upfront and not petty with your anger.

So, Mr. Google, I am frustrated and angry that I couldn't upload my pictures this morning. I am afraid to rely on you. It feels like I cannot trust you and that you don't know what the hell you are doing. What I would ask of you is to fix this recurring problem once and for all.

And, because in my heart of hearts I know he is a decent guy, I can hear Mr. Google saying, "Thank you Silbs. I will look into it and do everything I can to make it work."

That's all I ask.

Paddle safe...


Michael said...

Odd that I have not been having any photo upload problems recently, but I know you and some others have. It would be a relief to see this problem resolved.
The topic of making amends has been very much on my mind recently, so I am cheered by your words today. Let's hope they're widely read and taken to heart! Isn't Christmas coming? :-)

Greg Fojtik said...

Umm... Mr.Google? You out there? Barney? A word of warning: Beware the wrath of a patient man. Dick can get pretty scary when his rage is seething. I was hugely relieved to discover this post wasn't about me. Never mind the Arctic Tern I dropped. Never mind the Romany I dropped. (They just seemed so HEAVY in comparison to my kayaks!) I've never once -- never once! -- parked my Ford Ranger on Dick's chest. Dick, here's hoping Google finds a way to earn your forgiveness.