Saturday, November 22, 2008

Here's One To Which
We Can All Relate

Nothing in science has ever exceeded the challenge faced by a kayaker far off shore with a bulging bladder...until now. In the summer time we all have our little ways of dealing with the situation. Solutions range all the way from just emptying into the cockpit (to be rinsed out later) to getting out of the boat, taking care of business and doing some sort of a re entry (with an empty bladder).

The problem, however, greatly escalates as the temperature falls and the number of layers rise. Marking one's territory inside a neoprene farmer John can leave an olfactory marker for some time to come. Besides, those things smell badly enough when soaked by the water around us. More over, everyone will know (and smell) your business if you choose to go inside anything neoprene. Tougher times call for bigger solutions.

Along with fire, the relief zipper (for the guys) stands high as one of man's greatest inventions. Of course, there is still the problem of what to do with one's output, and I have seen many elaborate commodes consisting of nothing more than a tin can used to solve this situation. Beyond that are various versions of the Motor Man's Pal, an arrangement that uses an external catheter, a hose and a storage vessel to be emptied later. That's pretty much it...until now.

Tough as it might be, the worst thing that can happen to us while out in our boats with a full boat of urine is that we wet ourselves, and that's not a new thing...other than the stink. Never have we had to face the dilemma of recycling the stuff and (children should leave the room at this point) drinking it (and I thought the PisPHenal A in our bottles was our biggest danger). So here is to our comrades who float around in space suits rather than dry suits, with our best wishes that they find a potable solution for nature's callings.

Paddle safe...



Michael said...

It really all 'Depend's' doesn't it! The comfy, mature alternative for the dry suit paddler! ;-)

Silbs said...

Don't know how I could possibly have forgotten the Depends solution. I suspect you have now opened the flood gates to numerous witty observations such as a guy in a dry suit with a panty line :)

JohnB said...

And, for the female paddlers don't forget about the urinary directional devices--"Lady J", being one. These make the peeing into a bottle, or other container possible.

Silbs said...

Now, who could forget Lady J? Me that's who. Thanks