Thursday, June 28, 2007

Duffer's Straits(North entrance to the straits)
You won't find it labelled on the charts. If you paddle through it, 9 times out of 10 nothing will happen, and you will enjoy its deceptive serenity and beauty. This 200 yard passage, just a 20 minute paddle down stream from my home on the Mighty (dirty) Milwaukee River is just one of the area's dirty secrets. You see, every now and then, a tribe that occupies its east bank will attack and, rarely, bring serious harm to a paddler who risks entering their territory (I did so as a service to you, the reader...but I digress).
The Duffer Subparis
This is a fascinating tribe of warriors that wanders the land to the east of the straits. For reasons not yet fathomed, they travel only in groups of 4 and cover their bodies with outlandishly brazen colors. They each seem to possess a weapons bag which they sometimes carry over a shoulder and sometimes carry in a strangely silently moving vehicle. They can be seen roaming back and forth through this unique area noted for its well kept short grasses. Here and there, scientists have noted variously shaped clusters of sand, the presence of which cannot be explained by any geologist.
(A rare sighting of a the small red circle)
What makes these "people" unique...and their seemingly pointless habit of taking weapons out of their bags and using them to hit little white spheres in all directions. Their yelling and screaming, also random, freuently echoes off the many trees in their territory. Odd, but generally harmless, their behavior becomes lethal when a random sphere is sent out over the river. As I write, there is a group seeking grants to study this sub species, and I will bring you more as the information gets published in scientific journals. In the mean time, it is advised that you avoid this area or, if your curiosity gets the better of you, wear a helmet. You may also wish to employ the services of a local guide if you are new to the area. I offer reduced rates to my readers.
Paddle safe...


DaveO said...

I believe my friends are adjacent to this tribe in the 'Hills of the River'. You've likely paddled past their joint. They belong to your former profession and have had similar observations about the Duffer tribe. Occasional attacks come from across Rangeline Rd.

Silbs said...

Daveo, I am grateful for that amazing report. Actually, it sounds as if your friends are UPstream of us in the costs-an-arm-and-a-leg-for-property area.
That tribe is almost never seen walking and often engage slave labor to carry their weapons bags :)