Sunday, October 07, 2007

Quite Time,
It is a bit after 4 am. My sleep pattern has gotten off over the past few days. No matter. It is dark and quiet, and I own the space in which I sit. It is unseasonably warm (already 70F outside...but I digress), yet I sense the approach of winter and all that goes with it.
In the past, I've dreaded this time of year. Along with the changing of the foliage there has always been a sense of fore boding. Each morning I would awake to find that the rotation of the planets was gradually eroding the minutes of sunlight. The night seemed to be taking over. Soon it would be cold. I would sit more, exercise less and increase the percentage of time I spent indoors.
For the past few years, however, I have had none of that stuff going on in my head. Instead, all seems fine and just as it should be (which is always true). I will, as always, paddle throughout the winter and hope that a torn gasket on the dry suit doesn't interrupt me. This morning I find myself wondering why I have, after so many years, apparently come to terms with this annual cycle.
Maybe I've mellowed (ya', right). Maybe I am happy with who I am and what I have. That resonates. What I have is precious. What I have is more than I've ever wanted. What I have are friends, family and a fair amount of physical ability (and some mental reserves...but I digress again).
A few years back after being rejected for a position in an organization, Lady Linda pointed out that I hadn't really wanted it. "Really?". She pointed out that I had been going through the process just so I could make my judgments and opinions known to the staff. I sat with that and realized she was right (I hate when that happens).
A few days after our talk, my mentor in that organization asked me what I wanted to do having not attained the position. Nothing, I told him. He was surprised and asked what it was I wanted. I had never quite asked myself that question and took a while to answer. After several moments, I looked at him, smiled and told him, "I have what I want." Since then, winter hasn't seemed so bad.
Paddle safe...


DaveO said...

Due to my short attention span I've always loved the change of season in Wisconsin. Right now I'm clinging to paddling, embracing the bow and grouse hunting, and anticipating the first snow and that first run down the hill on the tele skis. I can't imagine living anywhere else! With your myriad of activities I would guess you've been struck by the same phenomenom.

Silbs said...

Oh yes, although loosing half the function in my left leg has eliminated some of the stuff I really down hill skiing. But I still manage to snow shoe, and we all paddle year round on Lake Michigan.